A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the King!"
Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
Q. What was Adam and Eve's address after they were thrown out the Garden of Eden?
A. 281 Apple
A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom have been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. "Look what I spelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face.
"That's wonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight," she said, happy that Sunday school education was having an impact. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen. "Mom, how do you spell zilla?"