The wife was telling me I need more exercise. I told her, "Well, I'll take up sports then."
She laughed and said, "Why don't you just order the sports channel on cable? Shaking your fist at the TV and yelling at the games is more exercise than you'll get actually playing them."
Two cannibals decided to go mountain climbing. They gathered up their gear, and in case they got hungry they packed up a bunch of body parts to munch on. Things were going quite well until they reached a crevice in the trail they were on. Even though it was only 3 feet wide, looking down they saw that it was a 1000 foot drop to the bottom.
"I suppose we could try to jump across, it's only 3 feet," said Rasheed.
"I don't think that's wise," replied Anwar. "One slip, and it's certain death. Wait! I have an idea!" Rustling through his knapsack, he grabs a severed leg and lays it across the gaping fissure.
"What are you planning to do with that?" asked Rasheed.
Answered Anwar, "I'm going out on a limb!"
My doctor told me I need to get more cardio exercise and my wife agreed with him. I said, "What about love making, does that count?"
My wife said, "Yes, but I think you're going to need more than three minutes a day."
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.