Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
The math teacher was giving a lesson on fractions and wrote an example on the chalkboard. He explained that the numerator was the top and the denominator was the bottom. Leaning against the board, he asked the class, "Are there any questions?"
When he turned back to face the board, laughter filled the room. "Mr. Alexander," one student giggled, "you have chalk dust all over your denominator!"
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her.
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them... I just never saw one mounted and framed."
Deep in the back woods of Tennessee, a farmer's wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there," said the doctor, "don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
"Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The farmer scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You think it might be the light that's attracting them?"
Free Daily Joke