Latest Jokes

It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Murray was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee back up to the men's tee, please!"

Murray was still deep in his routine, seemingly oblivious to the interruption.

Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee, kindly back up to the men's tee!"

Murray had had enough. He broke his stance, lowered his driver back to the ground and shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly be quiet and let me play my second shot?"

A man goes into a coffee shop and says, "I would like one of your special breakfasts."

"No problem," comes the reply from behind the counter.

"But I want it my way," says the man.

"What do you mean 'your way'?" asks the waiter.

The man says, "Well, I want the eggs only half done," he says. "I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot on the top and freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with grease, with more rind than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease pours out of it."

"I don't have the time to do all that!" replies the waiter.

"Well it seemed you had the time yesterday!" answers the guest.

The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss the matter.

Dad: "This is unacceptable, I don't use the home phone, I use my work phone."

Mom: "Me too, I use my company phone. I hardly use the home phone."

Son: "I use my office mobile. I never use the home phone."

All of them shocked turned to look at the maid who was patiently listening to them all this time.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones, what is the big deal?"