Wife comes downstairs and asks her husband, who is lying on a sofa, "What have you been doing?"
He replies, "Killing Flies."
"How many you have killed so far?"
"Five, three males and two females."
"How did you figure that out?"
"Well, three were sitting on the remote and two were sitting on the phone."
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. Everything quickly turned to chaos when a woman carrying a child started walking towards the front.
Everybody was surprised, shocked, and the bride even fainted. The pastor asked the woman if she had anything to say.
The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back."
My friend dropped a box of Italian pastries on the floor.
I cannoli imagine what he felt at that moment.
A couple were travelling on a flight. An air hostess approaches the man, with an attractive lady following right behind her, and asks, "Sir, would you like an upgrade?"
He replied, "Oh yes, thank you."
The air hostess turns to his wife and says, "Get up, let her sit here."