Latest Jokes

Kofi walks in to a restaurant and wants to order chicken. Unfortunately, English is not his first language and he can't remember how to say chicken in English.

Kofi sees the guy at the table next to him with a plate with 4 boiled eggs on it.

Kofi points to the plate of eggs and says to the waiter, “I want their mother!"

A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man, "This donkey has been trained in a very unique way. The only way to make the donkey go is to say Hallelujah, and the only way to make it stop is to say Amen."

The man immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" he shouted. And immediately the donkey began to trot. "Amen!" he shouted again, and the donkey stopped immediately.

"This is great," he said. With Hallelujah he rode off very proud of his purchase. The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. "STOP!" he blurted, "HALT!" he blurted again. The donkey just kept going, "Oh no, Bible! Church! Please stop!" cried the man.

He was getting closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. Finally in desperation, the man said a prayer, "Please, dear God, please make this donkey stop before i go off this mountain, in Jesus name, AMEN!"

The donkey came to an abrupt stop, just one step from the edge of the cliff. After a brief moment to catch his breath, the man joyously said, "HALLELUJAH!"

John was a salesman's' delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 14 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school?"

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie," said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

With that, the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

A grandmother took her granddaughter to get a soft drink at a fast food place. After both grandmother and granddaughter filled their cups, the granddaughter gets a stir stick and uses it for a straw.

Grandmother says, "Why don't you get a big straw like grandma?"

Granddaughter replied, "Because my mouth is not as big as yours."