Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke A sergeant gives a private a hard time. He says, "Private, I bet you are just waiting for me to die so you can come and urinate on my grave!"
The private replied, "No sir, when I get out of the army I am not going to stand in more long, long lines!"
Once a doctor invented a birthing pain share machine, where a spouse could share the joys and pains of birthing with their partner. So a couple walks in and was ready for labor and they agreed to try the device.
The doctor diverted 1 % and checked to see how the husband felt, he said he was okay. They proceeded with 5%, 10%, 25% and up to 50% and the husband was still feeling fine. They were proud parents of a beautiful baby and proceeded to head home.
When they got home, they found the mailman dead at their front door.
Research shows these are the top US vacation destinations according to occupation:
Artists... Painted Desert, Arizona
Athletes... Olympia Heights, Florida
Candy Makers... Carmel, Indiana
College Professors... University City, Missouri
Ecologists... Green Bay Wisconsin
Firefighters... Smokey Mountains
Geologists... Stone Mountain, Georgia
Gossip Columnists... Grapevine, Texas
Helicopter Pilots... Hoover, Alabama
Home Builders... New Castle, Pennsylvania
Jewelers... Pearl City, Hawaii
Landscapers... Garden City, Michigan
Lawyers... Accident, Maryland
Loan Officers... Fairbanks, Alaska
Lumber Jacks... Thousand Oaks, California
Manicurists... Finger Lakes, New York
Optometrists... Plainview, New York
Pastors... Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Pianists... Florida Keys
Podiatrists... Arches National Park, Utah
Politicians... Dodge City, Kansas
Real Estate Salesmen... Loveland, Colorado
Refrigerator Repairmen... Chilum, Maryland
Retired Army Officers... East Point, Georgia
Sailors... Marina, California
Sheriffs... Marshalltown, Iowa
Tree Trimmers... Long Branch, New Jersey
TV Evangelists... Paradise, California
Three engineering firms were competitively bidding on Red-Sea tunnel project for the government of Egypt. The first engineer stands before the board and begins describing how he will accomplish the task. He says, "We will begin boring from both sides of the sea and join the tubes in the middle. Our plan has 10% margin of error for missing the center point but we have B-plan ready to rectify the error and finish the tunnel."
Second engineer comes in and describes his plan. "We will begin boring on both ends and meet in the middle. Our calculations may have 5% margin of error and our plan B is ready to rectify and connect the tunnel if needed."
Third engineer begins his presentation and says, "We will begin boring on both ends of the sea and meet in the middle. If successful, we'll connect the tubes and you'll have your tunnel. If we are not, then you'll have two tunnels."
Free Daily Joke