Latest Jokes

Ron just got a new sports car and was out for a drive when he cut off a truck driver. The trucker motioned for Ron to pull over. When he did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told Ron to stand in the circle and not move. He then went to Ron's new car and cut up the leather seats. When the truck driver turned around Ron had a slight grin on his face.

"Oh, you think that's funny?" the trucker asked, "Watch this." He got a baseball bat out of his truck and broke every window in the car. When he turned and looked Ron had a smile on his face. This drove the driver into a rage. He got his knife back out and sliced all the tires. Now Ron was laughing. The truck driver really started to lose it. He went back to his truck and got a can of gas, poured it on the sports car and set it on fire. He turned around and Ron was laughing so hard he almost fell down.

"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked him.

Ron replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle four times."

A wife was sitting peacefully in her cozy armchair sewing her husband’s socks. Her husband came in to the room and glanced at what she was doing, and started badgering, “HONEY be more careful! PLEASE WATCH WHAT YOU ARE DOING! You don’t wan’t to poke YOUR finger! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! Don’t look up when YOUR’E SEWING! There you go now slow and steady, nice even stitches."

The wife puts down the needle and thread, looks up at her husband, and says, “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you know how many times I’ve sewn socks before?!"

“EXACTLY THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO GET AT,” hollered the husband, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I’VE DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE?!"

A dumb girl & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The dumb girl jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this." She goes downstairs.

She finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The dumb girl says, "I put the dog in our backyard; let's see how THEY like it!"

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."

The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"