Latest Jokes

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't on.
3. Aren't you the guy from the village people?
4. Hey, you must have been going 125 mph just to keep up with me?
5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop?
6. Bad cop, No donut for you!
7. You're gonna check the trunk, aren't you?
8. I pay your salary.
9. That's terrific, the last guy only gave me a warning also.
10. Is that a 9 mm? It's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
11. What do you mean, have I been drinking? And you're a trained specialist?
12. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
13. That gut doesn't inspire too much confidence, bet I can outrun you.
14. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
15. I was trying to keep up with traffic.
16. Yes, I know there are no other cars around - that's how far ahead of me they are.
17. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got stuck between the brake and gas pedal,forcing me to speed out of control.

An Elderly couple was celebrating their 60th anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally.'

On their way back home , a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money: fifty-thousand dollars!

Andy said, "We've got to give it back,"

Sally said, "Finders keepers."

So she put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money and knocked on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..."

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here...."

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

Student: "A serious drinking problem."