Latest Jokes

1 votes

One year, I decided to buy my wife's mother a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

1 votes

CATEGORY Holiday Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
1 votes
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, brewing beer, watching TV. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

1 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
0 votes

Friend: Dude! You were so drunk last night!

Man: No I wasn't.

Friend: Oh really, you put my dog in a pillowcase and said "It's a pillow, It's a pet, it's a pillow pet!"

Man: It was a pet in a pillowcase!

Friend: It was a trash can.

Man: ...

0 votes

posted by "XxamiraxX" |
0 votes
Odd
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A mother and father named their child "Odd". Because of his unfortunate name, poor Odd had the worst life you could imagine.

In school, he was always picked on and had trouble making friends. In college he never fit in and struggled to gain the respect of his peers. In life he drifted from job to job, unable to find steady work. He never found the love of his life and lived a lonely bachelor.

And so one day Odd decided he couldn't go on anymore and took his own life. In his suicide note he demanded that his grave be a blank headstone with no mention of his name, so that he could be completely and utterly forgotten.

And yet every time someone walks past his grave, they see his wordless stone and go, "That's odd..."

0 votes

CATEGORY Puns
posted by "Gaggs" |