Latest Jokes

A Texas rancher, visiting a South Dakota farmer friend, asked him to show him his farm.

After seeing the 1,000 acre spread, the Texan bragged that down home he could get into his car, drive all day, and by evening he would not have gotten to the distant point of his ranch.

The South Dakotan simply replied, "You know, I had a car like that once."

One morning at a doctor's office a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him, "OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies, "You know that I work for a local night club right? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said, "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now. Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives, he looks even worse than the other two Patients do.. The doctor is shocked. Again he asks,"What the heck happened to you?"

"Well, I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor..."

Toy Disclaimers you have probably never noticed...

1. Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks.

2. Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.

3. Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.

4. No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.

5. Some dismemberment may occur.

6. In case of breakage, scream until Dad buys a replacement.

7. Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously.

8. Use as an actual terrorist device not recommended.

9. Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.

10. Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.

Want to hear a word I just made up?

Plagiarism.