Latest Jokes

This is the shortest murder story ever written:

Wife: Are you listening to me?

Husband: No.

There was a man who computed his taxes and found that he owed $3,407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:

Dear IRS:

Enclosed is my tax return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2,400) and six hammers (value $1,029).

This brings my total payment to $3,429.00. Please note the over-payment of $22.00 and apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a "1.5 inch screw." (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

A Texas rancher, visiting a South Dakota farmer friend, asked him to show him his farm.

After seeing the 1,000 acre spread, the Texan bragged that down home he could get into his car, drive all day, and by evening he would not have gotten to the distant point of his ranch.

The South Dakotan simply replied, "You know, I had a car like that once."

One morning at a doctor's office a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him, "OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies, "You know that I work for a local night club right? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said, "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now. Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives, he looks even worse than the other two Patients do.. The doctor is shocked. Again he asks,"What the heck happened to you?"

"Well, I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor..."