Latest Jokes

Toy Disclaimers you have probably never noticed...

1. Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks.

2. Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.

3. Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.

4. No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.

5. Some dismemberment may occur.

6. In case of breakage, scream until Dad buys a replacement.

7. Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously.

8. Use as an actual terrorist device not recommended.

9. Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.

10. Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.

Want to hear a word I just made up?

Plagiarism.

A lawyer is walking along the beach and spots a glass bottle in the sand. When he opens it he discovers a genie inside.

Genie: Sir, I will grant you three wishes, but you must understand that whatever you wish for, every other lawyer in the world will get double.

Man: Hmmm. Okay. First I'd like $100 million.

Genie: No problem, but just understand that each lawyer got $200 million.

Man: I understand. For my second wish, I'd like a new Porsche. In red, please.

Genie: Fine. It is in your garage. And just FYI, every lawyer in the world just got two of the same.

Man: That's okay with me.

Genie: And for your third wish?

Man: Well, I always did want to donate a kidney . . .

Kofi walks in to a restaurant and wants to order chicken. Unfortunately, English is not his first language and he can't remember how to say chicken in English.

Kofi sees the guy at the table next to him with a plate with 4 boiled eggs on it.

Kofi points to the plate of eggs and says to the waiter, “I want their mother!"