Latest Jokes

Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back:
"Pour some hot water around the edges and then gently tap it with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"We now need a new computer."

My high school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription, “BE MINE.”

The following day, I received a return valentine from the teacher. It read, “Thank you, but it’s still a BE MINE-US.”

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.

“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “which would you get?”

“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”