Recently a "Husband Shopping Center" opened in Dallas, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out with five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to the place to find men. On the first floor the door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" so up they went.
The second floor said, "These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good-looking."
"Hmmm," said the girls. "But I wonder what's further up?"
The third floor: "These men have high-paying jobs, are extremely good-looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow!" said the women. "Very tempting, BUT there's more further up!" and up they went.
Fourth floor: "These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy! But just think what must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the fifth floor they went.
The sign on that floor said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please."
"Look! There's Linda Rondstadt!"
"Where? Where is she?"
"Right there! Here she comes, running full speed, right at you!"
"I still don't see her."
"You idiot! She just Blue Bayou!"
When I was a teenager, I worked as a bagger for the local supermarket. One of the rules there was baggers cannot accept tips when helping people bring groceries to their car. One day I was putting groceries in an old man's car. When he was finished he said, "Here young man. I want you to have a picture of your uncle George."
What it really was, was a dollar bill. Thinking quickly, I pocketed the 'picture'. I then asked him, "Have any pictures of my grandfathers Ulysses and/or Benjamin?"
A little old lady was driving the wrong way down a one-way street and was stopped by a cop.
“Didn’t you see the arrows?” he asked.
“Arrows? I didn’t even see the Indians!” she exclaimed.