A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says, "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
It was Thanksgiving day and the hall bathroom was not working. There was another bathroom off the master bedroom, so the mother asked her pre-teen daughter to put a sign on the hall bathroom door and then close it.
Due to the busyness of all the preparations for the big event, the mother never had the opportunity to even walk by the hallway bathroom until all her guests had left that day. When she finally did pass the hallway bathroom, she saw the sign her young daughter had written and left on the door.
It read: "Out of odor."
When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit. One day a long compliance form came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. So I read and initialed it.
A few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read, "You are not permanently assigned to this unit. Thus, you are not an authorized signer and you should not be initialing this form. Now please erase your initials and then initial your erasure."
Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.
A year passes and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.
The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces!
The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"
Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.
The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces!
The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"
Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..."
So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH! A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around.
The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"
And the Jewish samurai replies, "Look closer, that fly has been circumcised!"