When I was a teenager, I worked as a bagger for the local supermarket. One of the rules there was baggers cannot accept tips when helping people bring groceries to their car. One day I was putting groceries in an old man's car. When he was finished he said, "Here young man. I want you to have a picture of your uncle George."
What it really was, was a dollar bill. Thinking quickly, I pocketed the 'picture'. I then asked him, "Have any pictures of my grandfathers Ulysses and/or Benjamin?"
A little old lady was driving the wrong way down a one-way street and was stopped by a cop.
“Didn’t you see the arrows?” he asked.
“Arrows? I didn’t even see the Indians!” she exclaimed.
A robber walked into a music store and then everybody got down!
I was drinking a margarita when a guy stood up and asked, "Does anyone here know CPR?"
Someone else stood up and said, "Yeah, I know the whole alphabet."
We all laughed and laughed and laughed... well, except this one guy.