A zookeeper is ordering new animals. As he fills out the forms, he types “two mongeese”. That doesn’t look quite right, so he tries two mongoose, and then two mongooses.
Giving up, he types, “One mongoose, and while you’re at it, send another one.”
The geologist's theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
Glenn and Scott are bungee jumping one day when Glenn has a brainstorm, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico."
Scott agrees that it would be a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the main square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When everything is ready Glenn gives it a test jump.
When he bounces at the end of the cord and comes back up, Scott notices that Glenn has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the Scott isn't able catch him, so Glenn falls again, bounces, and then comes back up. This time, Glenn is bruised and bleeding. Again, Scott misses him. Glenn goes down again and this time, he comes back pretty messed up, he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
On the next attempt, Scott finally catches him and pulls him in. "What happened?" he asks. "Was the cord too long?"
Glenn catches his breath and replies, "No, the cord was fine, but tell me... what the heck is a piñata?"
A twice married and divorced well-to-do business man named Ralph felt he finally found his soul mate in a woman half his age. Betty, his new wife, was pretty, dirty blond hair, and not all that bright, but Ralph didn't care. He would do anything to make her happy, and on Betty's birthday he called her out to the front yard.
"Happy Birthday!" he shouted as he proudly showed off Betty's gift, an immaculate 1957 Chevrolet Bel-Air 2 door hard top classic car.
"Wow!" Betty exclaimed. "That's a really ancient looking car. It must be more than 20 years old!"
"Try 50! Honeybunch, I have a business trip to go on. This car will make you a ton of money. There's a bunch of events coming up in Johnson County and when I get back, I bet you're gonna make me a happy man when I find out how well you did."
Ralph left on his trip, and upon his return, as he was driving up the block to his house, he noticed a tow truck in his driveway. Pulling up he saw his dear old classic car on the truck bed, smashed to smithereens. Running into the house, he yelled for Betty.
"What in the world happened to your car?"
"I won first prize, $1000, that's what happened," Betty replied.
"First prize, where?" Ralph asked astonishingly.
"At the Johnson County Demolition Derby!"