Latest Jokes

A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asks the king.

"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."

"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"

"Oh, no..." says the knight. "Well, you do now."

Farmer John was in need of money and decided to try to sell his talking cow Bessie. He put an ad on Craig's List and got a call the first day. The potential buyer came over and wanted to see if indeed Bessie could talk. "My name is Ralph, and I'd like to see your talking cow."

Farmer John led him to the barn where Bessie was. "Here she is," Farmer John said. "I'll ask her a question and she'll answer it. Bessie, what do you call a person who borrows money without intending to pay it back?"

"Moooooo….." said Bessie.

"See? She just said mooch! Here's another one. Bessie, if I wake up feeling crabby, I'm in a bad…."

"Moooooo….." said Bessie.

"Right! A bad mood! One more. Bessie, what is that bright object in the night sky?"

"Moooooo……" answered Bessie.

"The moon! Right! So, ready to take her home, Ralph?"

"You, sir, are an idiot! I wouldn't buy diddly squat from you! Good bye!"

Farmer John pondered for a moment, then asked Bessie, "I think that last question still didn't convince him. What do you think, Bessie?"

Bessie replied, "I think you're right. I probably should have said Venus!"

A police officer saw a woman knitting as she was driving. He could not believe his eyes. He yelled at her to pull over. She rolled down her window and yelled back, "No, its a scarf!"