Latest Jokes

A twice married and divorced well-to-do business man named Ralph felt he finally found his soul mate in a woman half his age. Betty, his new wife, was pretty, dirty blond hair, and not all that bright, but Ralph didn't care. He would do anything to make her happy, and on Betty's birthday he called her out to the front yard.

"Happy Birthday!" he shouted as he proudly showed off Betty's gift, an immaculate 1957 Chevrolet Bel-Air 2 door hard top classic car.

"Wow!" Betty exclaimed. "That's a really ancient looking car. It must be more than 20 years old!"

"Try 50! Honeybunch, I have a business trip to go on. This car will make you a ton of money. There's a bunch of events coming up in Johnson County and when I get back, I bet you're gonna make me a happy man when I find out how well you did."

Ralph left on his trip, and upon his return, as he was driving up the block to his house, he noticed a tow truck in his driveway. Pulling up he saw his dear old classic car on the truck bed, smashed to smithereens. Running into the house, he yelled for Betty.

"What in the world happened to your car?"

"I won first prize, $1000, that's what happened," Betty replied.

"First prize, where?" Ralph asked astonishingly.

"At the Johnson County Demolition Derby!"

Ever been told something, but you can't decide if it's a compliment or an insult?

Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, “You look so gorgeous, I didn’t recognize you!”

The beginner's guide to decoding work emails...

I have a question = I have 18 questions

I’ll look into it = I’ve already forgotten about it

I tried my best = I did the bare minimum

Happy to discuss further = Don’t ask me about this again

No worries = You really messed up this time

Take care = This is the last you’ll ever hear from me

Cheers = I have no respect for you or myself

One day at home the phone rings and Joe answers it. On the other end is a confused woman who asks, "Who is this?"

"This is Joe. With whom did you wish to speak with?"

After a pause the woman says, "Did you just say whom?"

"Yes, I did."

"Then you're definitely not my son!"