Latest Jokes

If you send a birthday card to your grandkids, don’t write in cursive...

... Or you’ll get a text asking you to decode it.

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine, who is not so bright. He asked if I knew what the buzzing was for?

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Without missing a beat, he responded, "What are blind people doing driving?"

When I went to the automobile dealership to pick up my car, I was told the keys had been locked in it. I went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I said to the technician, "this side is open!"

He replied, "I know. I already did that side."

I took on a car pool rider so I could use the diamond lane. She’s a twenty year old blonde, but after all these years her seams are giving out, so I’ll need to buy a new one.