Latest Jokes

This is the best weight loss diet...

If it taste good, spit it out!

Every Sunday afternoon a mother found a candy bar wrapper in her young sons room. She finally had to ask, "Johnny why do I find a candy bar wrapper in your room every Sunday after church?"

He answered by saying that God gave him the money and he used it to buy a candy bar. The mother quickly replied, "God gave it to you? How did this happen?"

"Well mom, you give me a dollar to give to God. So before church every Sunday I throw it up into the air. I figure if God wants it he'll take it. If not, it will fall back down to me."

One cold December day, a French tourist in Scotland stopped at a farm cottage. He told the farmer's wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth. Once inside the house, he complained of being thirsty. The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug filled with milk. After taking a big swig, the guest exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh... you are most generous!"

She replied modestly, "It's nothing. My family wouldn't drink that milk because we found a dead rat in it."

Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and shatter on the stone floor. The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air, brought it down on the visitor's head, and hollered, "Get out, you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my fire, I give you milk to drink... and now you repay my kindness by breaking the children's potty chair!"