Latest Jokes

An undertaker can be one of your best friends...

He'll be the last one to let you down.

First Martian: That girl over there rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?

Second Martian: If you were a real gentleman, you'd pick them and roll them back to her!

What do you call the Oracle from The Matrix movie, without her guardian?

She's Sans Serif

The Santa Claus at Macy's decided to retire, so management put out an ad for a new one. After going throught the applications, they picked who they thought would be perfect for the job. Carl was rotund, had a full white beard and a jovial laugh.

However, after some time problems arose. Carl would forget to show up for work. Then when he did show up, he would seem disoriented and confused and not remember where he was supposed to be. Other employees would often have to search for him in the store to return him to his post, where children in line would be crying when they didn't see Santa there.

"What are we going to do?" asked one manager.

"I think we're going to have to hire a new Santa," said another. "This one's a lost clause."