Latest Jokes

A man comes home after an assignment of 3-years and he finds, there is an additional member of the family, a 29 months toddler. Furious he demands an explanation:
He says, how could you have done this to me! Did you cheat on me with one of my friends, was it Josh, was it Nathan, or was it John?
His wife with a daring look says, your friends! Your friends! Don’t you think I have my own friends too?

One day a city bus driver picked up a woman that was carrying a paper bag full of oranges.
There were no empty seats so she had to hang on by a strap in the aisle. After traveling a few blocks the driver had to make a sudden stop.
This caused the woman to almost fall down and several oranges fell to the floor. As she bent over to pick them up she expelled gas making some loud noises. The bus driver remarked "that's right lady, if you can't catch them, shoot them"

A man was speeding down the highway and a cop pulled him over and gave him a ticket after staring at it he asked, "WHEN'S THE RAFFLE?"

A very ugly man walking down the street comes across a most beautiful expensively dressed woman. She asks him please come with me; I have a job for you. Being the first time that any woman talked to him he was flabbergasted. He blindly follows her and ends up in a goldsmith's shop. Pointing to the ugly guy the woman tells the goldsmith "looks like this one" and she leaves the shop without a word to the ugly man. Confused, the ugly man tells the goldsmith the story and asks him if he has the slightest idea on why he was brought to him. The goldsmith says, well, it may be disturbing to know that she wanted a ring made for her with a devils face on it. I told her I had never seen a devil before