Latest Jokes

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist” Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things" replied the artist.

"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure
he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for
the jewelry."

Q. What is a musical part of a turkey?
A. The drumsticks

A man walked into a restaurant and orders a chicken soup bowl a while later the waiter brings it to him. The old man quickly calls him back and says "waiter taste the soup" the waiter says "well what’s wrong with it" "just taste the soup" the old man insisted". "Well what's wrong with the soup is it to hot to cold, what"! "Just taste the soup said the old man". "Oh, all right where's the spoon".

One day Bill Clinton was talking to Hillary. He was going on a vacation and before he left said, "Whatever you do don't look under my bed."

So while Bill was on vacation, Hillary got curious and decided to look under his bed. She found a million dollars and 2 empty beer cans. When Bill came home she said, "What's with the two beer cans under your bed?"

Bill replied, "Oh. That marks all the times I've cheated on you." "Well, I forgive you," said Hillary, "But then what's with the million dollars?"

He replied, "I've started to recycle."