How can you tell if your wife is being unfaithful?

You move from Chicago to Seattle and you still have the same mailman.

What is the definition of a bachelor?

A man who doesn't have to leave the party just as he's beginning to enjoy himself.

Teacher: "Johnny, if you have $20 in one pant pocket, and $35 in the other pant pocket, what do you have?"

Johnny: "That's easy, I have someone else's pants!"

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote', one of my best friends would still be alive.