A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, I've got news for you, "You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Oh man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
A farmer walks into a hardware store and asks for a chainsaw that can cut down 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The farmer is suitably impressed, and buys it.
The next day he brings it back, complaining that it would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY!
The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what’s wrong, and the farmer says, “What’s that noise?”