I called my mother from the apartment. When she answered the phone, I could hear a noise behind her that sounded like a jet plane taking off. I asked, "Mother, what's that horrible noise?"

She replied, "It's the dishwasher.... your father fixed it."

SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.

What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym...

Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.

My grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.