Major Regrets I've Had In 2023:

Spending $250 on that Aaron Rogers Jets jersey.

Buying Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner an early anniversary gift.

Operating a mud bath booth at Burning Man.

Making that World Series bet on the Oakland A's.

A New York businessman buys a newspaper, glances at the front page, throws it away.

Next day, he does the same thing. This goes on for days.

Eventually, the newspaper guy asks, "Why do you do keep doing that?"

"Oh, I'm just checking for an obituary"

"But obituaries aren't even on the front page!"

"Oh, the one I'm looking for will be."

I saw a woman in Walmart with March Madness teeth...

She was down to the Final Four.

Here's a great tip: On your way to bed, ring the doorbell.

That way, the dogs will get off the bed and that allows you time to get comfortable.