"Can I buy a live shark here?"

"Lady, what do you want with a live shark?"

"A neighbor's cat has been eating my goldfish, and I want to teach him a lesson."

A married couple were enjoying a luxury South Sea cruise until their liner was shipwrecked and they were washed ashore on a desert island, the only survivors.

Day after day, they looked hopefully out to sea in the hope of spotting a passing vessel but none came. As boredom set in, they started to think about their home back in Arizona.

The wife asked, “Did you remember to pay the final installment on the Chevrolet before we came away?”

“No, honey, I clean forgot. Sorry.”

”Did you remember to pay the electric bill before we left home?”

“No, I completely forgot. Sorry.”

”Did you remember to pay the gas bill?”

”Do you know, that slipped my mind, too. Sorry.”

“And did you remember to pay the six-monthly tax bill?”

”I knew there was something important I had to do. I’m really sorry honey.”

”Well, at least there’s one good thing,” sighed the wife.

“What’s that?”

”They’ll find us.”

Two eskimos were chatting. One said, “Where did your mother come from?”

“Alaska.”

“Don’t bother, I’ll ask her myself!”

I got pulled over. The cop asked me why I didn't stop at the stop sign?

I answered, "Do you believe everything you read?"