John: Ants really work hard. They work and work and never play.
Peter: Then how come every time I go for a picnic, THERE they are?
What can you break without touching?
Teacher: What's 5 plus 3?
Student: Um... I don't know?
Teacher: You silly boy, it is 8.
Student: Wait... yesterday you said that 4 and 4 was 8?!?!
Son: "Mom, do I look like God?"
Mom: "No, honey. Why?"
Son: "Because everywhere I go, people say, 'Oh God, he is back!'"