A housewife answered the door bell to find two beggars outside. "So you're begging in two's now?" she asked.
"No, only for today," one of them replied. "I'm showing my replacement the ropes before going on vacation."
Panhandler: "Please sir, can you give me $10?"
Man: "Sorry, don't have any change. All I have is a $50 bill."
Panhandler: "No problem sir, if you donate $50 today, you can take advantage of the 10% cash back offer!"
Teacher: What do you all aspire to become?
Student 1: A Doctor!
Student 2: An Engineer!
Student 3: A Lawyer!
Student 4: I just want to watch and see whether they'll become what they say they'll become."
Swimming Coach: "Hey! Why are you doing only the backstroke?"
Swimmer: "Because I just ate, sir. I don't want to swim on a full stomach."