Why did the teddy bear skip lunch?
Because he was stuffed!!
Baker: "These are the best cakes, ma'am. We have been baking them for years!"
Customer: "May I have a cake that was baked today, please?"
Waiter: "Sir, shall I cut the pizza into four or eight pieces?"
Customer: "Please cut it into only four. I won't be able to eat eight pieces."
A housewife answered the door bell to find two beggars outside. "So you're begging in two's now?" she asked.
"No, only for today," one of them replied. "I'm showing my replacement the ropes before going on vacation."