I'm absolutely heartbroken. My Wife just broke up with me over my chronic gambling addiction...
... But it's okay, I'll win her back.
I asked my wife if I am the only one she has ever been with.
She said, "Yes, all the others were nines and tens."
“Boss can I have a week off around Christmas?”
“Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas?”
I was in a taxi today and the driver said, "I love my job. I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do."
Then I said: "Turn left here."