Interviewer: "How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?"

Me: "That’s when I went to Yale..."

Interviewer: "That’s impressive. You are hired."

Me: "Thanks. I really need this yob."

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

"No sun."

Why do astronauts use Linux?

Because you can't open windows in space.

My wife is incredibly smart.

When I called her from my buddy’s phone she answered, “Hey love!”

She already knew it was me.