animal jokes

Why did the turtle cross the road? “To get to the shell station.”


Why was the turtle so shiny when he left the shell station?
He used some turtle wax!

“Have you got any kittens going cheap?” Asked a customer in a pet shop.
“No, sir,” replied the owner. “All our kittens go “Meow.”

A male crab and a female lobster are dating, but they are hiding it from their parents because of the obvious reason. Eventually the lobster gets tired of all the secrecy and she tells her father, who is furious and forbids her to see the crab again.

“But why can’t I see the crab again? We’re in love!” cries the lobster.
“Because,” says the father, trying to search for a reasonable answer, “crabs walk sideways and we walk straight!”
“Please, father,” she begs. “Just meet him once and I’m sure you will change your mind.”
The father finally agrees to meet the crab and she runs our to tell him the good news.
The crab is so excited that he practices walking straight. He practices and practices until finally he can walk straight. He walks the entire way to the lobster’s house as straight as he can.
The father sees him coming and yells to his daughter, “Hey, here comes that crab and he’s drunk!”

A man takes his dog to the vet. “My dog is crossed eyed, is there anything you can do for him? “Well,” says the vet, “let’s take a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he is cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy.”