animal jokes

Once upon a time, there was a cat that died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful, that she had to sleep in cold black alleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but that here in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat lay down upon the pillow and was happy.

A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. The earth was no better for them than it was the cat. They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them roller skates.

One day God saw the cat again and asked her how she liked heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow He gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow was the meals on wheels.

“Is your new horse well-behaved Charles?”
“Oh, yes Phil. When we come to a fence, he stops and lets me go over first.”

On your left are 3 Ostriches. On your right is a herd of gazelles being chased by a lion.
In front of you are 4 deer. Behind you are 5 stampeding horses.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get off the Merry-Go-Round!

A rabbit walked into a restaurant with a lion. The waiter seats them and asks the rabbit, "What will you have?" The rabbit says bring me a half a head of lettuce. The waiter looks at the lion and says; and what will he have? The rabbit says "The lion?" he's not eating". The waiter says "why? Isn’t he hungry?" Then the rabbit says "if he was hungry do you think I'd be here?"