misc jokes
Favorite this joke Little Emily was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, "Why did the lady change her mind?"
Her mother asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one."
A local priest was visiting a widow for Sunday dinner. Afterwards, she was doing the dishes and he was looking around and noticed a parrot in a cage.
The lady noticed and said, "Reach into the cage, father, and pull his left leg." Well, he did and the parrot recited the Our Father.
"Pull his right leg," she said. He did and the parrot recited the Hail Mary. Well, the priest thought this was amazing. Then he said out loud, "I wonder what would happen if I pulled both legs and the same time?"
The parrot said, "What do you think will happen, I'll fall flat on my butt!"
A woman had been selling waterbeds for almost four years, and thought she had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked, "Can you deliver it filled with water?"
Stunned, the woman replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!"
After a short pause, the customer responded, "Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?"
Sitting in the bar George asks his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?"
John replies, "I haven't found the right woman yet."
"So what are you looking for?"
"Oh, she's got to be real pretty, a good cook, and house keeper. She's got to know how to handle money, have a nice and pleasant personality, and money. She's got to have money. And a nice big house wouldn't hurt either."
"A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" says George.
"Oh, it's okay, if she is crazy."
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