misc jokes

I went on a job interview the other day. I wasn't really qualified but I decided to apply anyway. A week later, I became very excited when I was called in for an interview.

At the interview, the prospective employer asked a few questions then read through my resume. After a few anxious moments, as I sat in silence waiting for him to finish reading, he put down my resume. He looked up at me and said, "We have an opening for someone like you."

"Really?" I replied excitedly. "What is it?"

"It's called the door."

This old woman would never drink beer.The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious but nervous young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door.

"What do you want, Sonny?" she demanded.

"D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked.

"Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady.

"S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?"

Funny Bumper Stickers:

If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You

Forget World Peace -- Visualize Turning Off Your Turn Signal!

HANG UP AND DRIVE!

Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!

Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Honk If Anything Falls Off

I Haven't Lost My Mind - It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

What is the definition of adult?

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.