Police: Where do u live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With Me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house.
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: You won't believe me if I tell you.
Police: Tell Me!
Me: Next to my house.
So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting. She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40.
A cop pulls her over and says “ma’am, can I please see your license?” She says “I’m sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk driving.” His brow furrows and he straightens up.
“Well, can I please see the registration of your car?” She says “I stole the car and I killed the driver; he’s in the trunk.”
“Ma’am, DON’T MOVE, I’m calling for backup.” He mutters furiously into his walkie-talkie…
Five minutes later, half the squad pulls up, the Chief of Police walks over to the woman’s window. “Ma’am, can I see your license?” he asks sternly.
“Of course, officer,” she smiles demurely and pulls out a license from her purse.
He squints warily at it. “This looks legitimate,” he mumbles.
“Can I see the registration to this car?” She pulls it out of the glove compartment and hands it to him.
“Ma’am, stand back!” He bangs open the trunk of the car and flinches: but it was completely empty…
The woman brandishes a finger at the first cop and says accusingly, “And I’ll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!!”
After a week of agonizing physical training, police academy cadets still hadn’t been admitted to the firing range. “I don’t get it,” huffed one trainee to another as they pounded out yet another five-mile jog. “What do you mean?” “We still don’t know how to protect people and property, but we’re getting real good at running away.”