Best Jokes

“I thought you were going to marry Eddie? You said it was love at first sight.”
“It was – it was the second and third sights that put me off him.”

“Why did you refuse to marry Bob, Lisa?”
“Cause he said he’d die if I didn’t and I’m just curious…..”

The after dinner speaker was droning on and on and on, bring everyone to tears. One of the guests, fighting to keep his drooping eyelids open, turned to the lady on his right and said, “Can nothing be done to shut him up?”
“If there is I’d like to know,” said the lady, “—I’m his wife and I’ve been trying to shut him up for thirty years!”

“Why does your husband always call you his Fair Lady when you’re a brunet?”
“He is a bus conductor”