Best Jokes

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.”

With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving a truck."

Did you hear about the classical pianist who was not a good speller? When she went out to buy something she left a sign on her door that said: "Out Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet"

A man went to a bank and gave them $60,000 worth of bonds to hold for him. He then asked to take out a loan of 1$.

The next year he came back to the bank to get his bonds and the accountant asked him, "If you have all that money in bonds, why did you need to borrow 1$?"

The man replied, “Do you know any other way I can use a safety deposit box for only 7 cents a year?"

A woodpecker was pecking a whole in a tree. All of a sudden, a flash of lightening struck the tree to the ground! The woodpecker looked bemused for a moment and then said: "Gee, I guess I don't know my own strength!"