Best Jokes

After being arrested for robbery, Quinn hired the best lawyer in town.
“Look,” the crook said, “I’ve got nearly a million in cash in my bank box.
Can you get me off?”
The lawyer said, “Believe me, pal, you will never go to prison with that kind of money.”
And sure enough, he did not. He went to prison flat broke.

A man had been crossing a street when a car slammed into him. The pedestrian sued the motorist, whose lawyer made the following statement at the end of the trial.
“Your honor, my client was not at fault. He has been driving a car for thirty years, and has never had an accident, nor gotten so much as a speeding ticket. I do not think I need to say any more.”
Unimpressed, the lawyer for the plaintiff rose. “Your honor, since counsel insists on bringing up the matter of experience, may I remind the court that my client has been walking for over seventy years…”

After years in the work force, someone finally concluded that an employer is someone who’s late when you’re early and early when you’re late.

This administration has conclusively discovered how to deal wit the deficit.
It’s a skill, which requires addition and distraction.