Best Jokes

"Your Honor,” began the defense attorney, “my client has been characterized as an incorrigible bank robber, without a single socially redeeming feature. I intend to disprove that.”

“And how will you accomplish this?” the judge inquired.

“By proving beyond a shadow of a doubt,” replied the lawyer, “that the note my client handed the teller was on recycled paper.”

Don had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married.
“What!” shouted the boss. “I can’t give you more time now. Whey didn’t you get married while you were off?”
“Are you nuts?” replied Don. “That would have ruined my entire vacation!”

How is your new job at the factory?” One guy asked another.
“I’m not going back there.”
Why not?”
“For many reasons,” he answered. “The sloppiness, the shoddy workmanship, the awful language – they just couldn’t put up with it.

An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.
“What kind of salesman are you?” the boss scolded. “Get out there and sell him a boat.”