Best Jokes

A man wanted to prove to a group of alcoholics the effect of alcohol in human body system. He brought two jars; one containing water and the other containing alcohol, along with a very healthy worm. He said to the audience:

"This jar contain water"
He dropped the worm in the jar and said, "Please watch the reaction". The worm swam to the side of the jar and up it floats dangling and swimming.

The man took the worm out of the first jar and put it in the second jar containing alcohol and said to the audience " now watch the reaction" The worm went right down into the water and struggled for survival. There and then every body saw the worm shrinking and dis-integrating, and in one word, died.

The man turned round an asked the audience " what would you all say to this".

After a long silence, someone from the rear stood up and said
" I can see that if I drink alcohol, there will be no more worn in my body".

An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company.

He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"

She quickly responded, "The living one."

After a long day a sailor enters a bar, and noticed a pirate sitting at the bar. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch. So the sailor walks over to the pirate and says, “May I ask how you lost your leg?"

The pirate replied, "Arrrrr one stormy night on me ship I fell overboard, and a shark swam up to me and bit off me leg."

The sailor says,"That's to bad, but how did you lose your hand?"

The pirate replied, "Arrrrr, one day at sea me and my crew were battling an enemy and we were using swords so one of those b**t**ds cut off me hand."

"How did you lose your eye?" asked the sailor.

"Well, one summer day I was looking at the clouds, and a seagull came and pooped in me eye," said the pirate.

"You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in it?“ said the sailor.

"No, you see it was the first day with the hook!“

Three visitors to London climb up the tower that houses Big Ben and decide to have a contest. They're going to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch the watches before they hit the ground.

The first tourist throws his watch, takes three steps and hears his watch crash. The second throws his watch and takes only two steps when he hears his watch shatter.

The third tosses his watch off the tower, jogs down the stairs, goes to a candy store, buys a snack, walks back to Big Ben and catches his watch. "How did you do that?" asks one of his friends.

"My watch is 30 minutes slow."