Best Jokes

During a training exercise, an army unit was late for afternoon inspection.

“Where are those camouflage trucks?” the irate colonel barked.

“They’re here somewhere,” replied the sergeant, “but we can’t find’em.”

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”
The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”
Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

Doctor,” the man said to his ophthalmologist, “I was looking in the mirror this morning, and I notice that one of my eyes is different from the other!”
“Oh”? Replied the doctor “Which one?”

Psychiatrist to patient: "You have nothing to worry about - anyone who can pay my bill is certainly not a failure."