Best Jokes

New customer to Tech Support: “It says, hit any key and when I do that nothing happens'.
Tech Support: Can you try again and tell me what happens?
Customer: 'Tried but nothing”
Tech Support: “What key did you hit?
After a moment and some chick ling sound the customer replied: Well, first I tried my car key and just now my office key.

A man awoke one evening to discover prowlers in his storage shed. He immediately called 911, gave his address, to report the prowlers and possible burglary. The operator at the other end said, "Are they in your house?"

He said they were not, only in his storage shed in back of the house. The operator said there were no cars available at that time. He thanked the operator, hung up the phone and counted to 30 and called again. "I just called you about prowlers in my storage shed. Well you do not have to worry, as I just shot them all dead!"

Within seconds there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and fire engine at the scene. After capturing the prowlers red-handed, the policeman asked the caller, "I thought you said you had shot them all?"

The man answered, "I thought you said there were no police available?"

One day, a man on a golf course, was having a really lousy game. Just as he was about to hit the ball, he heard a voice behind him. "Ribbit 9 iron, ribbit 9 iron." He turned around and there was a frog on the green. "OK frog, we'll just see how much you know," said the man. He used the 9 iron and hit a hole in one. The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think, frog?" "Ribbit 3 wood, ribbit 3 wood." After golfing the most amazing game of his life, the man takes the frog to the casino. "What do you think frog?" "Ribbit black 21, ribbit black 21." After winning around 40,000 dollars, the man takes the frog up to his hotel room and sits it on the bed. "OK frog, you've done so much for me, is there anything I can do for you?" "Ribbit kiss me, ribbit kiss me." So, the man leaned over and kissed the frog. It turned into a beautiful woman named Monica.
"And that, your honor, is how she got into my room, or my name isn't William Jefferson Clinton!"

A lady sitting at home got a phone call. She answered it; a strange sounding man said, "This is the Viper. I am coming." the lady was frightened. 5 minutes later she got another phone call the same man replied" This is the Viper. I am almost there." The lady was terrified. Another 5 minutes later the phone range again. It was the same man. He said, " I am coming up now." The lady was so scared she called the police. Before the police got there, a man walked in the door with a bucket of water and a window wiper. The man said " I'm the Viper I vome to vipe your vindows!"