A man requires surgery to remove his left leg. He consults with the surgeon; plans are made for surgery the next morning. Morning comes and the Surgeon arrives still intoxicated from a night on the town. He removes the left leg only after mistakenly removing the right. Needless to say the patient, after recovering, saw a lawyer who told him he couldn't win, because he didn't have a leg to stand on.
A man entered a library and asked, "can I have a pint of largar and a packet of crisp?" The librarian said " I’m sorry but this is a library " Then the man WHISPERED "!Oh, sorry can I have a pint of largar and a packet of crisp?"
What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie-talkie!
Q. What happened after the two bullets got married?
A. They had a little BB!