Best Jokes

A hunting party is hopelessly lost.

“I thought you said you were the best guide in Maine!” one of the hunters angrily said to their confused leader.

“I am,“ replied the guide. “But I think we’re in Canada now.”

Two old buddies went fishing and one lost his dentures over the side of the boat in rough weather, so his prankster friend removed his own false teeth, tied them on his line and pretended he had caught the missing gnashers.
Unhooking the teeth, his grateful mate tried to put them into his mouth, then hurled them into the sea with the disgusted remark: “They’re not mine – they don’t fit!”

Wife: “How’d your doctor appointment go?
Husband: “Well, there’s good news and bad news. My blood pressure’s high and
I’m overweight. But, at the doctor’s suggestion, I’m going to take up golf!”
Wife: “And the good news?”

A married couple, both avid golfers, was discussing the future one night. "Honey," the wife said, "if I were to die and you were to remarry, would you two live in this house?"

"I suppose so, it's paid for."

"How about our car," continued the woman, "would the two of you keep that?

"I suppose so, it's paid for."

"What about my golf clubs? Would you let her use them too?"

"Heck, no," the husband blurted out. "She is left-handed."