Best Jokes

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove it wasn't a chicken.

Two strings go into a bar and ask for a drink each. The Bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't let strings drink here." The two strings leave and go into another bar and ask for a drink each. The Bartender of this bar says, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to let strings drink." One of the strings gives up. The other bashes himself into walls, winds himself up, and rubs against the carpet. When the string goes into the bar, he asks for a drink. The Bartender says, "Sure! By the way, you haven't seen a couple of strings walking around, have you?" The string replies, "Sorry! I'm afraid not!" (A frayed knot)

A priest, a wizard, and an engineer are sentenced to be beheaded. The priest is first and is offered a final request, to which he asks to pray. After saying a few words, he steps up to the guillotine. The blade falls, and an inch above his neck, its stops. He yells wildly "My God has saved me", and seeing this miracle, his captors release him. The wizard steps up, and he in turn asks to say a few words before his death. He says a few words in an unknown tongue, points at the guillotine, and then puts his head down to be lopped off. Again, an inch above his head the blade stops. He shouts wildly "my magic has saved me", and he is released. The engineer is than lead up to the block and says, "For my last request, I would like to face up so I can see my death coming." He is placed looking up and just before they release the blade he shouts "WAIT! I see what the problem is!"

"You know you are getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there."