Best Jokes

If Microsoft Built Cars 

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. 
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too. 
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats. 
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but would only run on 5 percent of the roads. 
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower. 
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light. 
8. The air bag system would say, "are you sure?" before going off. 
9. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened. 

If Microsoft Built Cars 

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. 
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too. 
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats. 
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but would only run on 5 percent of the roads. 
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower. 
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light. 
8. The air bag system would say, "are you sure?" before going off. 
9. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened. 

A policeman brought four boys before a judge.  "They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor," he said.

"Boys," said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency. Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong."

"My name is George," said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."

"My name is Pete," said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."

"My name is Mike," said the third boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."

"My name is Peanuts," said the fourth boy.

Things to do While Downloading A File On Your Computer:

· Buff your mouse pad 
· Make a list of things to download 
· Play a percussive beat on your thighs in time with your modem 
· Count to 500 in "click" language 
· Go outside and actually breathe fresh air (don't overdo!) 
· Do a pushup for every blue bar on the progress meter