Best Jokes

An application was for employment; a program was a TV show; a cursor used profanity; a keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something you lost with age; a CD was a bank account; a hard drive was a long road trip. 
A web was a spider's home, and a virus was the flu!

Q: What do you call an Inibrian who has been buried for 1000 years? 
A: Peat!!!

Never say, "Give me a break" to a Black Belt in Karate.

One day a man found an odd-looking lamp and rubbed it. From inside came a genie that told him he would get three wishes, but whatever he wishes for, his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. 
"What would you like for your first wish?" asked the genie. 
"I want one billion dollars," replies the man. 
"Remember," says the genie, "your mother-in-law gets double of what you get." 
"I know," replied the man.
The man then chooses his second wish, "I wish I had a brand new sports car." So he gets his second wish and he's very content. 
"Your mother-in-law gets double what you get, now what would you like for your third wish?" asks the genie. 
The man ponders for a moment, then answers, "I wish to be beaten half to death."