Best Jokes

One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened the door to get out. Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. The driver reported this to a nearby police officer. The officer saw the whole thing and said "You bankers are so involved in your possessions. You didn't even notice that your arm was ripped off as well" The banker stared at where his arm used to be and said "OH NO! My new Rolex is gone too!"

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission. He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition." In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction." Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation. And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication." Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision. He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, "That's long division!"

What is 2+2? To the mathematician it is 4. 
To the philosopher "it depends how you define the concept of 2" 
To the accountant "what would you like it to be."

A mother and daughter were out shopping at the mall. The mother saw an expensive fur coat and stated, "This year, I think I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me and I think this fur coat would be perfect too." 
The daughter protested, "But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." 
"Don't worry honey," says the mother, "your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks."